whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
