Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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