I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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