On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
