There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
