Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
