you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
