peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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