your parents love me but you hate me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
