Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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