Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
