wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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