Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
