I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
