he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
