dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sponge bath it is.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
