doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
