I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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