i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
