the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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