Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
