Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
