first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
