Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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