I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i think i just lost a toe
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
