tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
