We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
