Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.