We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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