So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina