I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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