Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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