Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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