No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
