Do you still have your period?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
