I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
