My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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