Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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