i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
