Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sex in a hospital.. check
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
