so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
