I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
