You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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