none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a search helicopter?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
