Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
