brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
