Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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