so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
