I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
