Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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