Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
