I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
