just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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