I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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