you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
