uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
