I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
PANTIES FOUND
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