dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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