dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
