Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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