I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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