Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
