first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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