you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
