Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
