Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
