she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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