he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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