we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
