Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
