What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
