What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
