That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
