frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
