i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
