idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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